you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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