you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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