I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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