I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
