How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
