I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
