The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
