the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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