I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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