LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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