Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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