He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
