Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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