watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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