He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
