whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
