Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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