Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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