I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sober January is a disaster.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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