she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
