smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
