Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
