very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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