I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
