I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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