I can tuck mytits in my pants
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
