This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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