i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
