I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
They are going to name an STD after you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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