so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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