I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
