Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
