Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
