I heard we made out
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
