There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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