jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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