K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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