I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
