Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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