my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A+ Viking dick
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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