The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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