Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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