Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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