can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
