My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
