Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize