I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
