If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
