Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Randomize
