Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
