i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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