Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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