we made out on top of his cat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize