yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
