Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
