11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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