Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
