you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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