i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
