If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize